Wednesday, 18 March 2020

The Publicity Stunts - Episode 90

A new addition to the Wilson McGladdery show, is Paul’s shanty about local sea captain, James Blackheart. Following the recent discovery of Blackheart’s love letters to Paul’s great aunt Betty, whom Blackheart subsequently dumped, Paul’s been hanging around the graveyard like an obese cack handed Morrissey, researching the sailors life from cradle to grave. He’s found out Blackheart was born locally, in the cottages where Kwik Save now stands and is buried in the churchyard, ‘WITH........wait for it, wait for it,’ says Paul drumming up excitement, ‘his three wives, ALL of whom, pre-deceased him!’ ‘Hhmmm interesting’ smiles Gaynor, sitting up from her usual horizontal position. ‘No doubt in mysterious circumstances,’ she lights a Park Drive. ‘What evidence do you have to suspect Blackheart of foul play?’ ‘Only his villainous name and a desire to revenge the reputation of great Aunt Betty,’ replies Paul, with a rare steely look in his eye. ‘A villainous name is enough for me!’ exclaims Gaynor. ‘To the Mystery Machine!!’ she points to the empty street through the window ‘Bags, being Daphne!’ Pixie Lott jumps in playfully. ‘Yeah right!’ replies Gaynor pulling rank, nobody but her can be socialite millionaire’s daughter, Daphne Blake, when she’s having a ‘Scooby Doo’ moment. 'Bags, being Shaggy’ shouts Ed Sheeran. No one objects.