Monday, 28 October 2019

The Publicity Stunts - Episode 85

It’s early Saturday evening, Gaynor and Pixie Lott are propping up the bar at the Dog & Gun, planning a big night out culminating at ‘Snoggers’ nightclub. Enter Paul from the saloon bar, keen to share his news, ‘Gaynor, Gaynor! Sandra and Steve are coming to stay and play some gigs with us!’ he says excitingly. ‘Not bleeding Skinner & T’witch!’ scowls Gaynor wearily. ‘They aren’t bringing that bloody stinky caravan are they? Last time they were here,they stunk the street out with that awful chemical toilet.’ In response to Pixie’s questioning look, Gaynor, lighting a Park Drive explains. ‘They’re a right pair of old hippies that Paul’s known since 1066! Sandra, or ‘Madame Sandra’ as she likes to be called’ adopting her plummiest tones, ‘acts like she’s of Royal descent or something. Really she’s just a clapped out old fortune teller and spiritualist who uses Tarot cards!’ ‘No way like init’ exclaims Pixie excitedly. ‘Yeh’ continues Gaynor, ‘and Steve, god bless him, I don’t how or why he puts up with her? ‘Steve’s a great songwriter,’ adds Paul for Pixie’s sake. ‘Yeh! He’s miles better than you’ cackles Gaynor hurtfully. ‘C’mon Gaynor init’ says Pixie vividly, ‘I wanna have my fortune like told by stuck up Madame Sandra init,’ her eyes are wild with the romance of tall dark strangers and good luck, just out of sight, over the horizon. ‘Suppose so,’ says Gaynor, ‘it’s a load of old bollocks’ and she pulls heavily on her cigarette, ‘but she does put on a good show, Mike!’ she hollers across the bar, ‘ten, no a dozen blue WKD’s to go and thirty Park Drive.’ ‘Taking it easy tonight Gaynor?’ laughs Mike.