Thursday, 20 June 2019

The Publicity Stunts - Episode 79

Mrs Patel next door, has decided to follow a plant based diet for the well being of the planet. Paul’s so impressed, he decides to follow suit, ‘After all,’ he thinks, ‘I’m not getting younger and the health benefits seem immense.’ As the house cook, he announces that after today’s rag pudding and chips, all meals will be meat and animal produce free. The local vicar is quick to express his outrage, ‘I don’t pay my ruddy rent to be fed bloody rabbit food!!!’ he snarls. Paul laughs sarcastically in reply, ‘You pay rent?? I’m glad you’ve remembered’ he pretends to tot up the many outstanding payments on his five stubby fingers. ‘What do you think Gaynor?’ the vicar looks for support from the semi-slumbering girl curled up on the sofa. In reply, Gaynor lifts a Park Drive to her lips and mutters ‘Yeh, whatever’ with her usual nap time disinterest. However, at lunchtime the following day, when Gaynor and Pixie Lott surface for their brunch, Gaynor requests in between bouts of her smokers cough, ‘A bacon sandwich for me Paul, nice and crispy with just a suggestion of brown sauce.’ ‘Sorry Gaynor,’ says Paul, ‘no meat remember? I’ve a beautiful mushroom recipe I got from the lending library if you fancy that?’ he adds hopefully. ‘Nar, save it for the do-gooders down the Church Paul’ she replies, ‘I’ll stick with a good old liquid lunch’ and pours a large slug of peach Thunderbird.