Thursday, 23 May 2019

The Publicity Stunts - Episode 76

There’s rumours in the village, Ed Sheeran is slowly buying up the high street shops, one by one, by one! Then what’s he going to do? Old Mrs Dixon who’s amassed her family’s fortune selling fish in the same location for generations, is keen to prevent Sheeran taking control of her beautiful village. ‘We saw this with Hitler in 1938’ she rants at Paul, who suggests in reply, that particular comparison is maybe a little unfair. However when it’s rumoured the wool shop is relocating to bigger premises, it’s Mrs Dixon who’s first to jump in and agree a quick cash purchase. Sheeran’s naturally furious to find out he’s missed out on the wool shop and knowing Mrs Dixon can neither be charmed nor intimidated into a sale, he arranges a private meet with her. Because Jack the coal man is so volatile and will rip Sheeran’s heart out and eat it for no good reason, Mrs Dixon asks Paul to accompany her and in turn, Paul asks Gaynor to patrol the perimeter, given she scares the Bejesus out of Ed and his gang. At the meeting in the staff room at Tanfastic, Sheeran candidly reveals his plans for ‘Ed Sheeran World’ a high end family theme park, plus a small supermarket and several posh Sheeran themed restaurants, completely remodelling the high street. Paul becomes worried that old Mrs Dixon is being seduced by the bling of Ed’s fancy presentation, especially when the last drawing shows ‘Dixon’s Fresh Fish’ as a supermarket concession bearing a Waitrose symbol. To all, her weakness for bling is apparent, so Paul calls Gaynor and together they usher Mrs Dixon from the building before she agrees to anything rash. Paul thanks Ed for his time and has the door closes, Sheeran turns to his gangland associate LJ smiling, ‘Look and learn my son, look and learn. We’ve landed the fishy old strumpet,’ he laughs, ‘we just need to separate her from the one armed get and it’s systems go!’ ‘Init like boss’ replies LJ.