Tuesday, 21 May 2019

The Publicity Stunts - Episode 74

Paul’s napping in the living room, he’s one eye on an old war film and he’s balancing a cold cup of tea on his left knee. Over the noise of the telly, he hears the front door slam and the collective sound of an excited Gaynor and Pixie Lott approaching. ‘Paul! Paul! Paul! Can we get a dog??’ they chime together. With every intention of saying ‘no’, he plays along momentarily. ‘Not one of those awful rats that poo in your handbag that you dress up with ribbons and bows?’ he smiles. ‘Course not’ laughs Gaynor, ‘Big Dave the Blacksmith, his dog’s had puppies and he’s only two left! Pleeeeaaase Paul, they’re so cute!’ ‘Hang on a minute’ interrupts Paul, ‘Dave’s dog? That’s one of those big nasty things that belongs on a list somewhere, it’s chased old Mrs Dixon down the high street a couple of times!’ the girls stifle their laughter. ‘C’mon Paul init,’ says Pixie, ‘it’ll be a great like guard dog init’ she smiles. ‘It may have slipped your attention Pixie’ replies Paul wearily, ‘but I’ve cock all worth stealing. The vicar’s sold everything not nailed down and we’d be sat on the floor if it wasn’t for the generosity of Mr and Mrs Superkings over the road,’ he gestures through the window towards the Superkings residence. ‘Paul, we’ll pay for the food! we’ll feed it and take it for walks, won’t we Pixie??’ pleads Gaynor, Pixie nods in agreement and both girls smile, just like in the millions of selfies they post. A week later, it’s 5am, raining and Paul’s out on the field before the early shift at Kwik Save. ‘Morning Paul’ says Mr Superkings with his Red Setter, ‘didn’t know you’re in the dog club, shitty weather isn’t it?’ ‘Hi Keith’ replies Paul ‘Meet ‘Fang’, apparently walking him is just the exercise I need,’ he laughs ‘I don’t know how I get talked into these things!’