Friday, 17 May 2019

The Publicity Stunts - Episode 72

It’s 24 hours later and the village is awash with Chinese whispers. When Gaynor arrives at the Dog & Gun, there’s a crowd of people there waiting to buy her drinks and tabs so she’ll share the story. ‘Well, I never would have guessed it’ Gaynor says, ‘I mean, Jet Wash Jim! A serial killer!’ A shocked gasp rises from the assembled throng. ‘In the written confession he left’ she solemnly continues, ‘he says he contributed to numerous untimely deaths, by failing to properly clean the garden paths and driveways of his clients, thus causing them to slip and......’ she silently runs a finger across her throat, eliciting further amazement from the congregation. ‘Bloody hell’ says Paul, genuinely shocked ‘and all those years, I thought he was just your typical substandard English workman! Not a criminal mastermind! Tell us about the skulls Gaynor!’ Gaynor lights another Park Drive and takes long slow drag, ‘They certainly put the willies up Pixie’’ she laughs thinking of Pixie Lott opening the metal box in Jim’s cellar, ‘but they aren’t real, in the daylight you can see they’re just shitty Halloween tat.’ ‘But where’s the bloody money Gaynor!!! the local vicar almost shouts across the table. He’s really gutted he’s missed all the action. ‘Well, in his letter, Jim said there was nothing left’ says Gaynor, ‘he became addicted to sex chat telephone lines and spent the evenings talking dirty to some woman who’s probably more decrepit than old Mrs Dixon. ‘I take exception to that remark!!!!’ shouts old Mrs Dixon stood at the bar. ‘And the old battle lines are resumed’ smiles Paul opening a packet of cheese and onion and moving seats to avoid the line of fire.