Wednesday, 15 May 2019

The Publicity Stunts - Episode 71

It’s 12 hours since Gaynor and Pixie Lott formed an unexpected alliance with their natural enemies, old Mrs Dixon the fishmonger and her on, off shag, Jack the coal man. The aim of the alliance is to win custody of the lost treasure of Jet Wash Jim, before that weasel Ed Sheeran finds it. In the ginnel behind Jim’s abandoned home, the alliance has already overpowered mard arse, Sheeran and his wannabe hard case associate, LJ and using Mrs Dixon’s ‘neighbour’ keys, both Sheeran and LJ are now tightly bound and gagged in the house. First, they search the house for false walls and panels concealing the fabled cash, but when Gaynor’s DM’s find nothing, they decide it must be buried and move to the cellar. Gaynor and Jack the coal man take turns to swing the pick axe to break up the asphalt flooring and now they’re digging independently hoping to unearth Jim’s life savings. Neither party will slacken their pace, for fear the other will strike lucky, though after many hours digging, everyone’s relieved when Pixie’s spade clatters against a metallic object. ‘At last’ gasps old Mrs Dixon dramatically, her greedy little eyes gleaming. It takes another half hour to dig out the metal box from the ground, when Gaynor says, ‘Pixie should open it, she found it.’ Pixie steps forward and opens the box peering inside, ‘Shit!’ she screams, ‘it isn’t money init, it’s full of heads!!’ throwing open the box to reveal dozens of human skulls and a neat parchment document tied with a ribbon.