Tuesday, 14 May 2019

The Publicity Stunts - Episode 70

The memorial party for Jet Wash Jim, rages on into the early hours of the next day. After the Dog & Gun closes, the survivors crawl back to old Mrs Dixon’s flat above the fish shop. There she mixes her special strength cocktails, warning they’ll kill an elephant! ‘Yeh right’ slurs Gaynor rising to the challenge, ‘two ‘Elephant Killers’ over here please’ gesturing to Pixie Lott. Meanwhile, outside on the high street, Ed Sheeran and his associate LJ, are stood watching Jet Wash Jim’s house. ‘That Jet Wash chap’, says Sheeran, ‘said his cash is somewhere ‘safer than the Bank’ right? So did he mean, ‘safe as houses?’ his crooked smile slowly spreading to LJ’s face, ‘Yeeeaahhh init boss’ he replies. They cross the road and disappear from the street down the ginnel to the rear of the house. Unbeknown to Sheeran, Pixie has temporarily left the party, feeling nauseous. Whilst she prepares to throw up in the grid outside, she’s party to Sheeran’s musings and reports back to the others. ‘Sheeran’ll find nowt in there’ Gaynor states, ‘I cleared the house myself!’ ‘But...’ pipes up Mrs Dixon thinking aloud, ‘we never checked the fabric of the house did we, or under the cellar floor! JACK!!!!’ she screams at the top of her voice, ‘Get the pissing shovel!!!!’ Turmoil ensues, as the room scrambles in the panic to find garden tools.