Monday, 17 December 2018

The Publicity Stunts - Episode 54

The local vicar’s piles have been flaring up these last few weeks and the level of discomfort he’s suffered, it’s almost enough to make him want to go and see a doctor. However, his mother always warned him to stay away from the surgery, ‘Once they get you in those hospitals’ she said, ‘you’re never coming out alive, the old remedies are the best.’ 'Shit, was your mother like a witch init?’ asks Pixie Lott, when she sees the vicar thumbing through his mum’s ancient notes on herbal remedies. ‘Don’t be absurd!’ replies the vicar sharply, ‘She just believed that nature can cure its own aliments.’ Seeing an opportunity to extract the Michael a little more, Gaynor pipes up ‘Was she a Druid then or what? ‘Yeah, yeah Gaynor’ replies the vicar rolling his eyes, ‘Mummy was the Head Druid, she met the other druids every Tuesday night above the Co-op. They’d drink tea and chat about knitting patterns before they sacrificed a virgin and drank the blood!! For Christ’s sake.’ After the laughter dies down, Gaynor stubbing out her Park Drive asks, ‘So what does Mater recommend for your Farmer Giles then.' ‘Errrrr, Witch Hazel’ replies the vicar reluctantly, knowing this answer lights the blue touch paper to commence round 2 of their crappy gags! ‘So, you have to see a witch called Hazel init?’ asks Pixie innocently.