Wednesday, 5 December 2018

The Publicity Stunts - Episode 50

The Dog & Gun have asked Paul and Ed Sheeran if they’ll run an open mic night together, on Mondays. For Mike the landlord, it’s a no brainer, Ed will attract lots of beatboxing kids, with loop pedals and baby sized guitars, whereas Paul’s known to the older community, the dedicated blues and folk players. Initially Paul’s reluctant to work with Ed, given his recent history, but he’s soon carried along on the wave of excitement created by Gaynor and Pixie Lott, preparing their act for the inaugural event. However, on the first night, it’s apparent Ed wants no part in running the show and Paul’s left to set up the equipment for the acts, whilst Gaynor makes announcements (and some rude noises), over the microphone. Instead Sheeran holds court at the bar with several associates, the local vicar sycophantically creeping around the mob, making sure his Strongbow becomes part of Ed’s round. Utterly fed up with Sheeran’s behaviour, Gaynor calls him to the stage to perform. At first he waves his hand and shakes his head dismissively, he’s not interested. Gaynor however starts the audience chanting ‘Ed! Ed! Ed!’ He reluctantly gives in and smiling steps onto the small stage where his guitar is waiting for him. ‘Have you tuned it?’ he asks Paul, who equally fed up with him, walks away without answering, leaving Ed to the deafening chants ‘Ed! Ed! Ed!’ Sheeran panics, this is just like Glasto 2017!!!!! Why can’t he remember how to tune the guitar???? He’s had all those lessons with Paul!!!! Suddenly he wakes up in bed, the familiar yet repulsive sound of the vicar masturbating in the bottom bunk, introduces another day. ‘The same dream again’ he thinks...’what does it mean?’