Tuesday, 20 November 2018

The Publicity Stunts - Episode 43

Almost everyone’s now involved in Ed Sheeran’s corrupt business empire and he’s slowly taking over the village. So far, Gaynor works part time as a doorman at ‘Snogger’s’ nightclub, which is now owned by Sheeran. The local vicar lets space in the church bell tower for questionable agricultural purposes and perhaps not worth mentioning, but dreary old Paul gives Ed guitar tuning lessons. Only old Mrs Dixon wants nothing to do with him, he’s already approached her twice with offers to buy her fish shop, ‘Lock, stock and fish in a barrel!’ he smiles. On both occasions she’s coyly replied along the lines of ‘There’s nothing financially a young fellow like you can offer me’, giving him one of her legendary winks suggesting ‘anytime, anyplace, anywhere for a spot of the other sonny’. However, she soon suspects fishy business when some of her best customers are suddenly clocked buying their rock salmon from the new Netto, near Rumbelows. She calls Jack the coal man, ‘Jack, my family haven’t sold fish in this village for 150 years to lose it all to some ginger tosser! I’m afraid Jack, I have to call in the favour you owe me. Jack always knew this day would come, he places the telephone upon its receiver, briefly stares off into the middle distance and then picks up his lump hammer and sets off to find Sheeran.