Wednesday, 3 October 2018

The Publicity Stunts - Episode 14

The local newspaper has asked Paul to be their new agony aunt, replacing Sylvia, who wrote ‘Ask Sylvia’ for many years before her retirement. The paper wish to retain the ‘Ask Sylvia’ name, so Paul’s drafted in Gaynor for her feminine input, acting as his consultant for a share of his fee. The first letter they receive is anonymous, though the writer confirms she’s a mature lady and successful business woman. She says she’s involved in multiple affairs of the heart, though remains undecided where to hang her hat in her twilight years. ‘It’s that dirty mare, Mrs Dixon at the fishmongers’ laughs Gaynor. ‘I think you’re right,’ says Paul, who recognises both the handwriting and awful spelling of his causal long term knocking piece. ‘I think I’m personally conflicted replying to this particular letter’ he says. ‘Nar!!!’ snorts Gaynor, ‘she’ll never know.’ ‘Well, If it’s commitment she wants’, says Paul shuddering at the thought, ‘perhaps we should encourage her to chase the financial stability of Jack the coal man, rather than little poor old me.’ ‘Go on then’ smiles Gaynor lighting up a Park Drive and reaching for her first blue WKD of the day. ‘Urrggh! Imagine their bathroom though’ says Gaynor thinking aloud, ‘he’ll be covered in crap from the coal yard and she’ll stink of fish!’ ‘I’m thankful for small mercies’ smiles Paul in reply.