Thursday, 20 September 2018

The Publicity Stunts - Episode 6

It’s lunchtime and everyone’s in the living room tucking into the sandwiches Paul’s made. ‘Look there’s one of your lot’ says the local vicar to Paul, pointing at the pretty weather girl on TV with just one hand. ‘If you mean, she’s brave and beautiful’ replies Paul curtly, ‘then perhaps she is, one of MY LOT.’ ‘Aw, it’s nice though, that they let her be on telly? jokes the vicar cruelly, ‘why don’t you send your CV to the Beeb?’ he laughs, ‘perhaps you can play her dad in Eastenders, or something?’ ‘But she’s not in Eastenders init?’ pipes up Pixie Lott, being a tad slow today. ‘I wonder if she had her arm hacked off by a jealous love rival, like you did?’ smiles the vicar ghoulishly. Gaynor knows Pixie is far too polite to ask Paul directly, though she’s desperate to know the story so Gaynor continues. ‘Yeh, it was Jack the coal man that did it, all because of that old bag Mrs Dixon at the fishmongers.’ Paul throws Gaynor a disapproving smile, which only encourages Gaynor to continue and dine out on a barely credible story, of star crossed love and actual body harm. Paul retreats to the kitchen to put the kettle on, as he remerges with a tray of tea, Gaynor concludes her story to an astonished Pixie and a smirking vicar with ‘and that’s why Jack the coal man as no testicles!’