Tuesday, 4 September 2018

The Attention Seekers - Episode 96 - our faves - buy the book

Whit week is rapidly approaching and it’s a huge celebration in the village. The Bishop’s had orders from the Diocese, to remind the parishioners that Whitsuntide is a Christian celebration and not just another excuse for massive piss up and free for all. ‘Hmmmm, tough call’ thinks the Bishop, only a handful of people turned up for the Xmas carol service. Gaynor and Pixie Lott came because the heating was broke at Paul’s and Ed Sheeran turned up when the Bishop promised he could play his guitar during the service. ‘Who’s going to believe the story of Whitsuntide these days?’ he questions himself. ‘Perhaps if we give it a Harry Potter theme instead? That might drum up some interest for the Whit Walk at least. The day of the walk, the local vicar and Ed are marching up the high street with broomsticks, dressed as Harry Potter and Ron Weasley. Trailing behind are Pixie, Gaynor and Paul as Hermione Grainger, Bellatrix Lestrange and Dumbledore. What starts as a sedate Harry Potter themed Whit Walk, is soon speeded up as the local kids start spitting at the vicar and demanding he flies his broomstick like on the telly. The vicar soon gets fed up of the abuse and breaks into a sprint, the kids give chase, throwing stones and heckling him, through the new estate and back towards the Church. The Bishop clocks the approaching mob and locks the Church doors, causing the vicar to divert the chase through the shopping precinct. Here the whole sorry tale of a middle aged man dressed as Harry Potter, fighting with several teens is captured on CCTV, the vicar is detained by security until the police arrive and ultimately it’s all reported in the local press under the heading ‘Fetish Potter Vicar, in Teen Battle Showdown.’ The Bishop is unavailable for comment, having retreated to his house in southern Spain. On the same day, the press runs a secondary story of ‘more’ Potter stars, this time Bellatrix Lestrange and Hermione Grainger, signing autographs and posing for pictures in the Dog & Gun.