Thursday, 26 July 2018
The Attention Seekers - Episode 82 - our faves - buy the book
It’s Friday, over a breakfast of Sugar Puffs and Kestrel Super Strength lager, Gaynor recalls the previous night’s dream. ‘It was Ancient Rome’ she pauses to pull on her Park Drive, ‘Isn’t that the Italian restaurant in the high street?’ interrupts the local vicar, winking at Ed Sheeran. Gaynor smiles at the vicar’s comment before continuing, ‘I was Caesar..’ she says with an air of grandeur. Paul who’s washing up, rolls his eyes towards the ceiling, most of Gaynor’s dreams involve a position of power and her ultimate abuse of such power. ‘I was at the Colosseum’ she resumes ‘and I ordered the Christians to fight with the lions.’ ‘Oh here we go’ declares the vicar smiling, ‘I wondered how long it would be before I featured in her dreams again. Usually it’s other type of dream I’m in, ain’t it?’ He nudges Gaynor, whilst Pixie Lott puts her fingers down her throat, to emphasise just how creepy that statement was. ‘So did I kill all the lions and seduce Caesar?’ the vicar leers at Gaynor. ‘No’ replies Gaynor cooly, ‘a lion bit your chopper off, so I gave you a job as head eunuch’. ‘So the same sex life, I’ve got now’ laments the vicar.