Friday, 6 July 2018

The Locar Vicar - Episode 70

There’s a large black tom cat sat on the high boundary wall between Paul’s house and the Church. He’s a regular feature, catching the warmth of the early morning sun, his mean green eyes fixed on Gaynor outside on the patio, in her High School Musical dressing gown. She pulls on her first Park Drive of the day before she enquires of Paul, ‘Who’s cat is that? It’s massive’. Paul, who’s just finishing the Woman’s Weekly crossword replies, ‘I think it was the last vicar’s, since he died, that cat’s got about ten homes’. ‘In fact..’ continues Paul smiling, ‘some people in the village believe that cat’s the reincarnation of the last vicar, what with him being all black except for that white splash round his collar.’ ‘What absolute rot’ says the local vicar announcing his arrival, ‘why would a Christian clergyman be reincarnated, that’s a Buddhist belief?’ ‘Maybe you’re backing the wrong horse’ suggests Gaynor with a wry smile, ‘It’s not too late, you can convert, or are you scared you’ll be reincarnated as a cockroach given your lousy performance as a human being?’ At that point the cat stands up, arches his back and takes a large poo before walking off. ‘Well that settles it’ laughs the vicar, ‘if I can soil myself in a public place without the rozzers interfering, Buddhism it is, where do I sign up?’