Tuesday, 31 July 2018

The Attention Seekers - Episode 84

Gaynor and Paul are driving to Scotland, to perform at one of the charming folk clubs they’ve discovered on their travels over the last thirty years. There are a couple of issues for them with such a long car journey. First, there’s the size of Gaynor’s bladder to consider. It now seems to have the capacity of an average sized walnut. Accordingly, there isn’t a lay-by, petrol station or greasy spoon located anywhere in the northern hemisphere, where Gaynor hasn’t yet marked her territory. Paul often jokes that Gaynor should compile a guide, for the discerning lady who’s ‘caught short’ in a backless ball gown, mid winter, on the road between Scarborough and Oldham. The other issue is Paul’s non - stop wittering. Poor soul clearly has little in the way of company, so when given the opportunity, talks the proverbial glass eye to sleep. Recently, Gaynor’s been subjected to the coming and goings of the Saddleworth/Tameside Bridge League, in such detail, that at times she’s considered opening the passenger door and launching herself onto the carriageway to end it all! Now, as soon as she’s in the car, the radio’s on for Paul to listen to, the passenger seat is reclined to its full extent and she’s away with the fairies, only regaining consciousness for regular toilet breaks and to tell Paul when he’s driving too fast, he’s in the wrong lane or he’s going the wrong way.