Thursday, 12 July 2018

The Local Vicar - Episode 74

On these long hot summer evenings, you’ll find Gaynor and Paul on the veranda of the Cafe de Poets, sharing half a carafe of pale ale, in pursuit of their favourite pastime, people watching. They take turns to give their spin on the folks passing by. Paul first, the two elderly ladies walking across the square. They’re nuns in disguise from the local convent. One day a year, they’re allowed to go out on the pull and the ale, before they return to their vows of celibacy and abstinence. Anything goes, no confession’s required. The one on the right, singing ‘Climb Every Mountain’ in a suggestive manner, is the Mother Superior. This day release scheme is all her idea, the dirty cow. Gaynor’s turn. The good looking young man (as usual! Paul rolls his eyes) on the bicycle is a time traveller from the future. He’s returned to this day to stop the Mother Superior from having a ‘knee trembler’ with Jean - Claude, an unknown Ukrainian sailor, in the doorway of Tesco Express later tonight. This in turn, stops the nun contracting a questionable disease, which ultimately avoids an international scandal and a military stand off in Europe. The time travellers mission is to seduce the Mother Superior and her companion to avoid the later liaison with Jean - Claude. If he succeeds and prevents the international crisis, the authorities promise they’ll never tell anyone about his old lady fetish. ‘Many a good tune’s played on an old fiddle’ winks Paul.