Tuesday, 10 July 2018

The Local Vicar - Episode 72

Paul’s plastic arm is put to many uses round the house by its several occupants. The local vicar has used it to fraudulently claim various disability benefits for a couple of years. He often dines out on the story when he mistakenly dropped the prosthetic limb on the floor of the labour exchange. It caused one of the lady civil servants to faint in front of him. ‘You could see her knickers’ he smiles in a way that would repulse any decent person. Gaynor will use it when giving demonstrations of her now famous Chinese burn. Usually it’ll be near to closing time when she takes centre stage at the Dog & Gun, to the cheers of the locals. Her turn starts with how to poke someone in the eye, which she claims to have learnt from an ex - boyfriend who served in the Green Berets. Then she’ll ask for a volunteer, at this point everyone stares at the floor, so she goes to Paul for the loan of his ‘falsie’ as she calls it. Paul will roll his eyes, though he loves her Calamity Jane moments.