Wednesday, 4 July 2018

The Local Vicar - Episode 68

On the day this photograph was taken, Gaynor and Paul were visiting Gaynor’s Auntie Joan, who lived in one of the tiny cottages pictured on this almost vertical street. It was a very sad occasion, Joan’s much loved cat, Ursula, had passed on and Paul had agreed to dig the grave in her back garden, given Joan was no longer in her first flush of youth. The local vicar had taken this photograph, out of shot was a large bunch of flowers he’d bought for Joan, as an apology for accidentally killing Ursula on his last visit. He’d been admiring Joan’s freshly made Bakewell tarts on the day in question, when he saw a creature moving under the kitchen table. Being slightly under the influence after several lunchtime ales, he mistook Ursula for a large rat and grabbing Joan’s ironing board, bludgeoned the poor thing to death with several heavy blows. At the time of the incident, Joan had been showing Gaynor her new flocks from the Littlewood’s catalogue in the front room. When the girls arrived on the scene upon hearing the commotion, they found the vicar covered in blood, attempting to conceal Ursula in a Woolworths bag and a blood soaked ironing board?? Being unable to handle the stress of the situation, the vicar legged it through the back door leaving Gaynor to console her Aunt and clean up the unexplained mess. The vicar had paid dearly and now sported two shiny black eyes, a cauliflower ear and a broken finger and that was from Auntie Joan!!!! He knew he had several of Gaynor’s monstrous Chinese burns yet to endure.