Tuesday, 26 June 2018

The Local Vicar - Episode 66

Paul often sings traditional songs round the house, the songs he learnt and has sang at folk clubs for years. Accordingly, it comes as no surprise, when he hears Ed Sheeran and Pixie Lott jamming their own rap/beatbox/loop pedal version of ‘Scarborough Fair’ in the living room. The legacy of folk music has passed to the next generation he thinks, quite pleased with himself. The next day whilst Paul’s at Kwik Save, the local vicar opens the door to two corporate suits. At first he shits himself, it’s the Church Mafia come to wipe him off the planet for his bad behaviour. However, when they introduce themselves as Ed Sheeran’s management team, looking to speak to Paul, the vicar invites them in, ‘I’m Paul, nice to meet you etc’ he fibs. It transpires they’re looking to secure the rights to a song that Ed thinks Paul wrote, called ‘Scarborough Fair.’ The vicar’s opening gambit is to say that none of ‘his’ (Paul’s) songs are for sale, BUT, if it turns the next generation onto folk music (something he’s heard Paul say) then he can let the song go for say, five million pounds. After 30 minutes negotiation and several noughts are knocked off the cheque, the deal is done and hands are shaken. As the vicar closes the door he can’t believe his luck! No more visiting stinky old people in hospital, no more brown nosing the smug rich bitches on the Parochial Church Council; he’s off to Brazil and he’s taking Gaynor with him and quickly! Before his fraud is detected! First thing tomorrow morning, he’s off to the Post Office to fill in a passport application form.