Monday, 25 June 2018

The Local Vicar - Episode 65

Paul’s feeling all lyrical today and he waltzes around the house writing phrases on scraps of paper and humming snatches of songs currently unrealised to the world. Occasionally Gaynor will catch him staring at her, whilst she’s paints her toe nails that luminous bright green colour she got from TJ Hughes. ‘Piss off.....’ she’ll mutter at him in her best Park Drive whisper, as if to emphasise that he’s not worth the energy of a raised voice. ‘Oi Picasso! Write something about this’ the local vicar says, as he fishes last nights kebabs from the bin with a view to making breakfast. ‘You’re beyond like gross init’ groans Pixie Lott who’s repulsed by the smell of last night supper now liberated from the trash. ‘It’s recycling that’s all’ replies the vicar, who’s now ploughing the left over kebab into his pie hole and occasionally revealing the contents of his mouth to Pixie, to make her retch even more. ‘It was Jean-Paul Sartre who said ‘Hell is other people” chuckles Paul to Ed Sheeran, who’s been attracted by the noise of the row, ‘but I don’t think he ever met this lot’ he adds as Pixie finally throws up in the sink. ‘Ah dessert’ smiles the vicar.