Tuesday, 19 June 2018

The Local Vicar - Episode 61

It’s Sunday, the local vicar’s finishing up for the day and looking forward to a few lazy afternoon beers in the Dog & Gun. He’s suppose to hold a later service, ‘Evensong’, but nobody’s turned up for that in years and the Church is where Gaynor and Pixie Lott take their latest conquests on a Sunday, for a spot of necking if it’s raining. He’ll just idle passed on the way home, kick out any stragglers and lock up. Later as he walks down the lane happy and full of ale, he can see the Church lights are on, ‘funny that’ he thinks, ‘that won’t be the girls, they prefer the dark, heh heh’ he chuckles. Then he hears the organ playing ‘How odd’ he thinks, ‘Barbara the organist never practices on Sundays?’ He peers cautiously around the large wooden doors, trying his best not to make them creak. There sat in the front pews, are only the bloody Bishop, his snotty missus and a group of their arse licking friends. ‘Ah, there you are’ snorts the Bishop ‘may I suggest in future you read the correspondence I send you. Have you not seen the memo about reviving Evensong here? It’s the Diocese’s latest thing dear boy, spit spot! Look lively.’ The vicar shrugs and retires a little crestfallen to the Vestry to dress for the service. ‘And as for you lot’ shouts the Bishop into the dark corners of the Church ‘this is the house of God NOT a discotheque’. Becoming aware of the raised voices, Gaynor stops sucking the face off Brad, she prods Pixie in the back, who in turn separates herself from Chad and smiling their sweetest smiles for the Bishop, whilst scowling at his toffee nosed cow of a wife, they shuffle from the Church.