Monday, 18 June 2018

The Local Vicar - Episode 60

Paul’s fascinated by genealogy, he’s managed to trace the McGladdery line back to 1630. ‘What, half past four??’ the local vicar quips, munching on some beef jerky. Paul’s investigations of his own ancestors hasn’t revealed anything or anyone you’d consider colourful. He glances over at Gaynor, she’s guffawing at the Daily Star problem page, occasionally muttering ‘dirty gets’ and sniggering to herself and then offering to read the offending article to the vicar. ‘I bet there’s some rum buggers in that gene pool’ Paul thinks. He knows Gaynor’s father is Kieran O’Wilson, who hails from Skibbereen in County Cork. Gaynor showed Paul a photograph once and they share the same flame red hair and Norse features. Needless to say, Gaynor hasn’t seen Kieran for many years, he returned to Ireland after his conviction for bigamy in the early ‘80’s. Gaynor’s mother, Queenie, still floats around the village, often claiming to be Gaynor’s older sister rather than her mother. She performs at the Conservative Club every Friday, it’s not a formal booking, more of a case of her leading the singing and dancing with Kevin on the organ. Ultimately, during her performance of BeyoncĂ©’s ‘Single Ladies’ she starts to undress, egged on by the vicar, the Bishop and the Church Warden, who are all sat round the same half pint of bitter. Thankfully Kevin always keeps his dog’s blanket by the side of the organ, to throw over Queenie should the show go too far. When Paul mentions her mother to Gaynor, she rolls her eyes and quickly stubs out her Park Drive ‘She’s not asked you for money again has she?’