Tuesday, 5 June 2018

The Local Vicar - Episode 52

Paul’s delighted to have been asked by the local tourism board, to write a small piece about some of the best places to visit in the village. Word soon gets round and Gaynor and the local vicar are already suggesting to Terry at the Dog & Gun, they’ll guarantee a mention of the pub in Paul’s article, in exchange for a few pints of snakebite accompanied by rum and black chasers? A couple of hours later and it doesn’t take much for Pete at Kwik Save to part with 40 Park Drive in exchange for a mention of the most cosmopolitan supermarket in town. He’ll do anything to outdo that new Lidl five minutes away. Finally, it’s two large cod and chips plus a saveloy on the side for Gaynor from the ‘OMC! - Oh My Cod!’ chippy, all free of course thanks to the tourism board. Back at the house, Paul’s giving Ed Sheeran his weekly guitar lesson and Pixie Lott’s struggling with her biology homework, not helped by the Bishop creeping her out with his offers to explain the human reproductive system. ‘Yo! Paul, my man!’ shouts the vicar attempting to high five Paul as he enters the room, ‘shouldn’t you be writing your article for the local tourism board?’ ‘Well, the funny thing is’ starts Paul, as camp as ever, ‘the man at the tourism board had mixed me up with another Paul who writes for the ‘Local Chronicle’ so there’s no article.’ ‘Shit.........’ exclaims the vicar, much to the surprise of the Bishop.