Friday, 1 June 2018

The Local Vicar - Episode 51

It’s late Wednesday and everyone’s crowded around the three bar electric fire bought second hand from Help the Aged. Ed Sheeran’s brought with him two Watney’s Party Sevens. He’s found the vintage tins of beer in his dad’s garage under a tarpaulin, next to the ubiquitous magnolia emulsion. The cans are briefly inspected for ‘best before dates’ followed by a few of moments uncertainty before the local vicar’s craving takes over and he steams in punching holes in the places recommended by the manufacturer. Both the girls Gaynor and Pixie Lott, turn their noses up at the offer of free beer, they’d rather drink Paul’s home brewed rhubarb wine, despite it tasting like a blend of ‘Um Bongo’ and Ethanol. As bringer of the bounty, Ed gets to dish out the ale and as usual with those unfamiliar with these 1970’s products, most of it ends up on the floor. ‘Oh well’ thinks Paul ‘I was going to clean the carpet anyway, where’s the ‘Shake ‘N’ Vac’?’ For the rest of the day, the ‘Shake ‘N’ Vac’ TV advert is on constant replay in everyone’s head.