Friday, 16 March 2018

The Local Vicar - Episode 13

It’s New Years Day, Paul can barely lift his head from the pillow he’s so hung over........then he realises he not actually in bed, but snuggled up fully clothed with the local vicar and Gaynor, like a litter of puppies in one of the outbuildings at the Bishop’s House. The Bishop’s annual Hogmanay party is usually a gentle affair, attended by only the most high profile parishioners, but this year Gaynor and Paul have piggybacked on the vicar’s invite. The Bishop is not impressed with the gate crashers, he is however unable to say anything in the presence of his wife, after the recent strip poker episode at Paul’s house. He also notices the look of distaste his wife has already shown for Gaynor and her unkempt appearance, or ‘urban chic’ as Gaynor calls it. ‘Who is that girl?’ she asks like she can smell dog shit, ‘I believe she’s a guest of the vicar’ the Bishop replies dismissively. Soon Gaynor’s cranked up the volume with her Pixie Lott CD and is mixing cocktails using the Bishop’s prized collection of single malts and bourbons. Paul’s happy hoovering up the buffet and joining in conversations mid stream and even pulls out his tongue showing the remains of a half eaten sausage roll to some snotty old bird who’s trying to ignore him. It’s not long before Gaynor’s sick in the punch bowl and all three are asked to leave by the Bishop. The vicar manages to slip two bottles of something expensive in his coat pocket and because Gaynor’s now comatose, they can carry her as far as the tool shed before they collapse laughing. HNY thinks Paul.